Order after Chaos

     After my last blog post I was hopeful. However, something happened. I was a little too excited and too energetic for the future and it well... scared those around me. I ended up re-hospitalized for a week at a different mental health facility. I was ticked to say the least.
Allow me to explain...
Eli and I finally had the means to move out from my parents house to our own home.
Thanks to the internet, the next day we had a house rented.
We started moving in. My kids made friends. They played and had fun.
I was feeling brave and went to introduce myself to the neighbors and  I guess I did a bad job.
You all know me and hopefully you have met my mom. What do we do? We talk.... a lot.
Only, I am a little different than my mom in that I tend to be quite demonstrative and use loud hand gestures while communicating. I wish I knew sign language because I think I could be really good at it. Anyways.
Eli was concerned and drove me to the ER. So what does an ER in Las Vegas do to someone who is "acting bizarre"? SNOW THEM WITH DRUGS, OF COURSE! Again I was ticked. How dare they take my husbands word over mine and inject benzodiazepines in my buttocks?!
It didn't do much. I still did what I do and  calmly engaged those around me in conversation. That is just what I do. I was bored, lying in a hospital bed with no reading material or handicraft to keep my hands busy or attention focused for over 8 hours. I hope I'm not the only one that would try and get to know the people around me who are also sitting in a hospital bed, in a hallway, without any friends or family around, just staring and waiting for "placement" at a hospital.
I was transferred to a facility and spent 7 days in hell or at least my version of what hell would be, but I will blog about that later. It gets my blood boiling just thinking about it and I don't like boiling blood, that's gross. I am going to opt to chill right now, take a breather and color a picture with my beautiful daughter who is currently singing songs at the kitchen table.

      My goal is to help people understand that those who have had issues with mental health aren't scary. They are actually quite awesome and need love and understanding. My best friend has cancer. It is easy to pour out love, care and concern to cancer. Cancer is tangible. We feel the lumps, see the cells, and see the scars to visually remind of the trauma. Mental health stuff is not cancer, but at this point, I wish I had a scar to show because I do have hurt, sadness, misunderstanding and emotions that leave me feeling pretty crummy. But, fear not. I have all the tools to heal and I am going to. I would be lying though if I didn't admit that I'm pretty scared. Now its really time to go color with my pretty daughter.

Love,

Janel

P.S. If you want to understand have a daughter or want to understand women better, consider reading this pamphlet designed for health care professionals. It was written in 2009 by the top 16 mental health experts in the country. Guidance statements numbers 7, 8, and 12 are quite empowering to me at this point in time.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (2011). Addressing the Needs of Women and Girls: Developing Core Competencies for Mental Health and Substance Abuse Service Professionals. HHS Pub. No. (SMA) 11-4657. Rockville, MD: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration.